Do you have difficulty controlling your sexual behaviors or thoughts? Do you spend excessive amounts of time watching pornography or masturbating? Have you tried to stop your behaviors or cut down but feel that the behavior is compulsive and out of your control to stop? Do your sexual thoughts, feelings and behaviors cause you to feel trapped or broken?
You may be suffering from a sexual addiction. Like any other addiction, the compulsive behaviors can ultimately impact every area of your life, including creating problems in school, at work or in your career, social problems, health problems or neglecting self-care, and problems in dating, intimate love relationships and marriage.
If you struggle with any of these issues, you are not alone. There is hope in treatment, and recovery is certainly possible.
What is sex addiction?
Sex addiction is a psychological condition in which you engage in compulsive sexual behaviors on a repeated basis to the point where the excessiveness of the sexual activity begins to negatively interfere with your everyday life, and your happiness.
For some people, sex addiction is a way to disconnect with life or escape. Sometimes it can be an unhealthy attempt to find a feeling of love or intimacy. It can create a sense of sexual power and control while avoiding the emotional challenges of the real intimacy and connection that you long for. If you have feelings of low self-esteem, the addiction could be a way to get a feeling of affirmation or importance. Sexual addiction is about searching for a way to feel better.
There is not one behavioral pattern that defines sexual addiction. Examples of behaviors that are common in addiction are:
• Compulsive masturbation
• Compulsive use of pornography
• Anonymous sexual encounters including online chatting and sexting
• Compulsive sexual relationships
• Repeated infidelities and emotional or physical affairs
• Frequenting prostitutes, massage parlors, or strip clubs
• Obsessive romantic or sexual fantasies or overwhelming sexual thoughts
• Engaging in relationships that cross boundaries or are high risk
• Sexual fetishes
Sex addiction shares some common traits found in all addictions, such as the inability to stop the compulsion, acting in ways that are out of sync with your value system, and using the addictive behavior to “self-medicate,” or to cope with anxiety or other painful emotions. The addiction can lead to high-risk behavior (endangering your relationship, job, safety, etc.) a sense of needing a “fix” to feel better, and increased tolerance – meaning that the more you have it, the more you need it and the more of it you need to reach the same level of pleasure.
Pornography addiction
One type of sexual addiction that has become much more prevalent today is the addiction to using pornography for sexual stimulation, with or without masturbation. The internet has made pornography very easy to access from the privacy of your computer or cell phone. People are being exposed to this sexual experience at younger and younger ages, sometimes in childhood. Visual sexual images can be extremely arousing and engaging, and the variety of sexual fantasies that are portrayed can lead people who begin with innocent sexual curiosity to getting “hooked,” on the need for something new to provide the excitement of the sexual high.
Getting help
It can be awkward, embarrassing and difficult to discuss your sexual problem behavior. If you are struggling with sexual addiction, you most likely harbor deep secrets about your behavior, which has become a source of great shame and suffering. It takes courage to disclose what you have been struggling with by yourself. In sexual addiction therapy, I will provide you a safe, confidential place to get the help and support you need. I work with people of all ages, backgrounds, religions and cultures, and I understand that if you have an addiction you are in pain.
It may have begun from a place of low self-esteem, and it may have given you some needed good feelings in your life, but at some point, you are bound to realize that the cost is too high. The bad way it makes you feel, and the harm it has caused both to yourself and to others in your life, have made you realize that you need to stop.
Sex addiction counseling can help you, no matter what you are struggling with or what you are sexually addicted to. You will learn to find freedom from lust, masturbation, pornography, hypersexuality, compulsive sex, anonymous sex, affairs, sexual fantasies, sexual fetishes, fringe sexual thoughts, excessive sex drive and urges. I will help you break the cycle of sexual addiction so that you can lead a fulfilling life free of shame and secrecy.
Causes of sex addiction
Sex is a natural and healthy part of life. It can be physically, emotionally, and spiritually fulfilling. Sex helps us deepen loving feelings and enjoy close intimate relationships. The problem arises from using sex in unhealthy ways and taking it out of the context in which it is meant for.
Sexual addiction is tough to fight. It involves chemical releases in your brain which create a “high.” When you engage in sexual activity, your body releases hormones including oxytocin and endorphins. These sexual hormones are what normally help you deeply bond to your partner, allow you to enjoy each other’s intimacy and boost “happy” feelings.
Sex addiction is often the result of using sex to fill the voids in our relationships and to fulfil emotional needs that are not being met in other areas of your life. When sexual activity is relied on too heavily for emotional coping, you can become addicted to the hormonal high brought on by sexual behavior and constantly want more of it – all the time.
There are other factors that can contribute to developing a sex addiction. Many sex addicts report having experienced some form of childhood sexual abuse, and there is a strong link between trauma and sexual addiction. Also, depression, anxiety, ADHD and other psychological conditions can all contribute to and exacerbate addictive behavior.
Sex Addiction Treatment and Recovery
The first step in sex addiction recovery is coming to the realization that you have an addiction to sex. Therapy will help you understand what type of addiction you have, what in your life has caused this problem, and what you will need to do to make a commitment to recovery.
In therapy, you will learn tools to identify the things in your life that trigger your compulsive urges and learn how to avoid, resist, and manage them. You will also learn how to realize when you are at risk for slipping, and you will develop a plan to prevent relapse. The goal is to gain control of your self-defeating behaviors and rebuild trust in yourself. To accomplish this, therapy will explore with you the underlying emotional issues that lead to addictive behavior and you will learn skills to better cope with and manage your feelings.
Since your addiction can rob you of time, energy and the emotional and spiritual health to lead the kind of life you want, therapy will help you discover or re-discover personal values, goals, and interests. You will be encouraged and helped to develop social relationships that are supportive of your recovery. You will learn the importance of and the best ways to connect to other people who are struggling with similar problems, who will understand, accept, and support you without judgment. These support groups will alleviate shame, while at the same time provide you accountability to your personal recovery goals.
You don’t have to suffer alone. I can help you build a life of recovery from sex addiction. If you are experiencing any of the signs of addiction, please contact me now and schedule a sex addiction therapy appointment.
